A Note To My Future Self

23rd January, 2015.

10:02 AM

Dear Devansh,

There will come a time when you read this and you may wonder about the paths by which life has led you to where you stand then. You may remark on all the decisions that you have made, good or bad, and you might remark on your follies as you forget my advice as you lost your way of life. But that is alright, because I am sure you will still be true to yourself.

Life today is a stagnant string of repeated events. The days pass by like wind on water, without any noise, without disturbing the inner peace that you have created for yourself. Chester is happy and lazy as ever, always keen on cuddling up inside the blanket. Mum and Dad are also doing great, so is Onee-chan and Granddad is still going strong. You have almost completed your second ever oil painting, and while you want to plunge a spear through it there is everyone else trying to convince you just how awesome it is.

Some things about you from half a decade ago have not changed. I still love to watch a lot of anime. Naruto is my favorite and always a source of inspiration for my soul. I am still fond of martial arts and I find peace when I observe the natural world about me. I still listen to Japanese music despite not understanding a single word. There are new things about you too. Good things. You had taken the initiative to learn an instrument.  I am sure that you are a terrific violinist. You had also discovered an intense love for all living things. You had discovered happiness in doing ordinary things like cooking, writing, reading and going out for night walks. I think it is important and I hope you still do all of this, because this, I believe, is really important for one’s mental well-being. You had always loved to run, to feel your body work in harmony as it heated up, covering great distances. You have always been very aware of yourself.

You never had the tendency to cling on to the past. You always lived in the present or in a dream world of your own. The future is mystery to me, partly because I believe that one can never ascertain what might happen next. Yet, compared to five years ago, I have learned to live more in the present. I am more connected to the important people around me. I don’t care for meaningless socializing. Chester will be 10 years old soon. Knowing that he only has a few more years to be with me, he has become very precious to me. My only regret with him is that I did not spend the last 10 years with him as much as I should have. I hope you helped him live his happiest years. I still have not learned to speak conversational Japanese, despite knowing the basics since years. I hope that you have changed that.

You were always the odd one of all those around you. It has always been difficult for you to get along with people your age or younger, especially because of your character. There are those of your age who have ridiculed it, while there have been those like Dad and colleagues at AIESEC who have admired it. Finding your own voice and having your own perspective about your world is extremely important to protect who you are.

Today, I am happy about all that I have. I am grateful that I have loving parents, an amazing, although slightly tyrannical sister, the healthiest grandfather ever and the best companion a man could ever ask for. I have a few friends, but these are the ones who really help me out in life, and it is unconditional and seemingly everlasting. The last one year has been a journey of astonishing self discovery. As I stand at one of the major crossroads in life, I would like to render to you some advice that might come in handy were you to ever lose you way in life.

Remember who you are. Remember who you want to be. While you believed that love exists not, it does, but in the most pure forms that I believe I have found in my family and friends. Remember your way of life. Change is inevitable and often necessary, but never forget your inner voice. Remember that everything that exists, must one day cease to exist. Everything that flies high into the sky, must one day return to the ground.

I hope the day will come when you are reading this and you remember all those who have helped you on your journey so far. I hope it has been adventurous and beautiful.

If you ever feel lost and knowing myself, I am sure you will, quite often… If you ever feel lost, remember that it will come to pass. There will always be a light to guide you out of the darkness and inspiration to keep you moving forwards. Courage is often found in the most unexpected places. And you have courage. Lots of it.

All you have to do is believe in yourself.

Love,

Devansh.

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